Determined?

Just get the convocation photos from the college admin~
while being told that.
the tuition fees of USQ have been raised, to RM28,200..
whoah~ few thousands raised.. that’s more than enough for me to buy a piano~
for sure if I’m able to get that study loan, it can cover up.
10% waived couldn’t help much, at last need to pay around Rm26000.
does it worth? i’m asking myself this whole day.

should i go for a permanent job instead of continue pursue for degree?
or maybe i can go for Open U?
I think I would like to be an Australia Uni Degree Holder…
peoples always asking, why don’t I enter UTAR?
from the time I come Penang, till NOW…
well, honestly, i dislike TAR..and now, what for if i enter TAR after halfway of the degree while i can grab an overseas degree course?

Since bro like to teach me on counting for the feedback after get the degree..
well, I’m counting now..
counting that how much i have to work part time and how many part time jobs i have to work for these coming two years,
so that i can saved $ for a car,
you know, without own transport, it can be said that, without legs to a place at cities.
after 2 years, i have to repay the study loan within 3 years to run away from being charged of 7.8% interest,
counting on how much i have to pay? at least RM700 per month..whoah~
if i can get a job of at least Rm2K per month,
it should be okay, while cannot save much $.. because i still have families…
i can imagine the stress within these 5 years..

about the study loan,
since it’s an oversea Uni degree course,
I’m not 100% sure that I can obtain it successfully..
although peoples said that I’m sure to get it.. for a 3.59 CGPA..
this CGPA keen to remind me of my kindness last time which bring to my failure now..
if not, half scholarship will be here for me now.

well,
i’m asking,
why over times maybe till the future too,
i’ve to make all stuffs all by myself?

maybe it’s a penalty for being stubborn and willfulness to came over here.

if i sacrifice the chance to pursue the degree programme,
i’ll be free of these stress,
and need not to worry about the heavy assignments…
while i can earn and save $ to court for dream of travelling..
however, if i really do stop now,
it’ll be a whole life repentant…

i’ll like to go for Master, and even PHDs..
of course including Clinical Psychology or other ambitions..
according to the situations and conditions in the future.

i think,
peoples might be keep on asking me one question:
how about your relationship? why don’t you get marry and stop working and chasing for so many things?
well, i think there is only one answer: marriage is not my ambition.
i do like children, i do like to have someone to care about me,
but,
i do not have the ‘big love’ to sacrifice all including myself for a family which are unknown to be,
and i do not want to let myself to step in to a tragedy, maybe i’m worrying too much,
but, tragedy cannot be predicting.
there’s a saying: prevention is better than cure.
i did pulled back by someone and stay back at the origin,
i did ruined my plans and life just to someone,
i did wasted my young age just for someone who hurt me deeply unpredictable.
and i’m not gonna let those happen again,
never ever.

so, asking myself now,
am i determined enough for all these stuffs?
answering:
nope.
since lots of things are still being unknown and unpredicted.
okay, let take some time for myself to prepare and gain back the weight & health
before continue for the life war game.

there’s 1 thing that i’m determined years after being here.

I’m determined to love myself as the only one, and my family.

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